A Year Disappeared

Wow, how quickly a year goes by.  It’s almost as if this past year has been a blur; like walking in a fog.  I am trying to think back on 2012, and remember what consumed me.  It obviously wasn’t blogging.  I launched a business last year.  Besides homeschooling my two remaining high school children, I ventured into a photography business that I became engulfed in.  Balance is the key.

Maintaining balance has always been a constant challenge for me, but one I work hard at…. But I sometimes drop the ball.  Juggling home school academics, character building, trying to be a nurturing mother, a wife, manager of the home, with household chores and those responsibilities, AND earning money, has proven to throw me off balance a time or two.  I seriously do not know how mothers working full-time, outside of the home, manage to get it all done.  I couldn’t.  I once worked full time; and I realized that the “nurturing” mother did not exist in me when I was working away from my family.  Perhaps in my mind I was nurturing (I love them, in my heart), but my actions, or inability to be there for them, was proving what was in my mind and heart wasn’t enough for these children.  I needed to physically be there for them.  

Once the Holidays were in full force I realized my balance was being tested, and tilting to the point of OVER THE EDGE.  January (last month) I decided, in order to keep my sanity, I needed to pull back on some things, let go of some things, and re-focus on my priorities.  Right now my priority is seeing another high school graduate out my doors and into college, and providing the education my high school sophomore needs, get my house back in order, as well as repair the neglect in my marriage… All of which I can’t do when I’m trying to earn money.  My husband has a good job, and is a very good provider for our family.  Even if he didn’t have a “good job”, I still I need to trust his abilities, and live within our means.  The living within our means could be a title of another blog.  I think our unhappiness stems from our want, and not really our needs.  I trust God to provide, and when things get tight I still need to trust, and focus on what He has called me to do.  The bank account is not a measure of our success; it’s the lives we have touched and the love we have shared.

Thankful and Grateful - Outside of the Box

Many years back, when my children were small, a friend of mine from our homeschool group mentioned something to me that welded to my heart. The words she spoke penetrated within me... as if to first pierce, then melt, an eternal emotion into my heart. 

We had been talking about curriculum, and different academic study material, when my friend Chris said: “I am working on teaching my children gratefulness.”  At that time I too was working on “character building” with my young daughters, and we had covered the basics like honesty, integrity, kindness, joy, patience…. But the word “gratefulness” began to ring a mighty gong. My mind flooded with thought.  It was as if a bright light opened a door into my soul, uncovering the missing partner, of who we already knew, thanksgiving.

For the next several weeks I pondered on this word: GrateFULLness… GRATEfulness…  Grat-it-ude...

Grateful: Full of gratitude.   I had taught my children to be thankful, and we often studied “Thanksgiving” … It was important to us to look back in American History to the pilgrims and William Bradford’s first Thanksgiving.  Since we are in the direct blood line of Bradford, and he was our great-grandfather generations back, I took painstaking effort to teach my children their heritage, and thanksgiving was just that.

We taught our children about “Giving Thanks,” and being thankful in all things (1 Thessalonians 5:18)... Often reminding them to look for the positives in every situation… Training their little minds to think about how thankful we need to be … and reminding them that in all of the bad situations we encounter, it could always be worse….   But that day I discovered a key element that was missing…. Gratefulness, a partner for thanksgiving…  a soul mate.    

After my brief encounter with my friend, and the amazing, sometimes mind boggling, truth of Gratitude, we search and find what is good in everything.  In every heart-break, every troubled pain, if you search your heart, you will find a positive in every situation.  When the word “gratitude” was breathed into my heart, I knew there was more to thanksgiving, and I just discovered its life-long partner.  Because gratitude is a life-style that we practice, and perfect, and never let it go. 

Now bringing you up to 2012, the last of my six children are almost grown, and I am reminded once again to practice gratitude.  As I mourn the age where little foot-steps no longer patter through the house, and giggles and squeals have quieted, and busy lives overshadow the little things in life to be thankful for, I embrace a sense of gratitude for the time God blessed me with.  I prepare for a new season, a new equinox of motherhood. 

A season changing....  Then along the sojourn of mothering, the Lord sends another friend to cross my path... This friend, limping along, in pain, is obviously sent my way to slow me down…  to remind me once again that there is so much more to be thankful for.  Sure enough, this friend who sometimes shares her pain, a reciprocal exchange, comes with blessings, with a “gift” to share.... 

This day, it's a tangible gift....  She blesses me with a book: “one thousand gifts”

Here again I’m re-introduced to thanksgiving’s life-long partner… the partner I remember courting for myself, “Gratitude”…. Through this book, this gift from a friend, Gratitude is resuscitated back into me.  This one little gift once again opens up my blurry eyes to the world around me… I see the birds on my deck, and enjoy the color they bring the backdrop of snow… instead of grumbling at the cold, I marvel at the crystals of ice reflecting the sun, blue.  Instead of dwelling on the torn blue-jeans, I despise on my teen, my heart warms at the sparkle in her eye, and the warmth of her smile. 

Thankful and Grateful… Partners for Life.  Thankful and Grateful for every friend God crosses on my path… Thankful and Grateful for every eye opening experience… Thankful and Grateful for every pain, that helps me grow eternally… Thankful and Grateful for the rain, for the snow, for the beaten down weary pathway… Thankful and Grateful dancing together in my mind... in the sunsets, through the storms, the calm, the breath on my face from my daughter's laughter.

Thankful for women like Ann Voskamp … a pig farmers wife, with six kids, who “dares to live fully,” right where she is at.  Thankful for my own six children who grow me…. my friends who aren’t afraid to be “real,” and share their pain, and accept help sweeping it all back up into a pile of broken pieces, and a willingness to restore.

Thank you dear friends, I am so thankful for you..  FULL of gratitude: GRATEFUL for you.

P.S ~ Especially thankful for my English teacher-friend... who encourages me, and has allowed me to open up more, and write... "outside of the box."  :-)