Manners... PLEASE!

I think being a grandmother of five has taught me more in life than being a mother of six…. I’m finding with age comes wisdom, and more grace than was once ever imagined. Forgiveness and a non-judgmental attitude is what it takes for a life of peace and grace. I have always extended much grace when it comes to children. But even with my laid-back attitude I still cringe when parents don’t take the time to TRAIN their children…. Almost as bad as owners who don’t train their dogs. When I go to a house and a dog runs over to the door and jumps up on me, over and over and over, or bites, licks or pesters me, this is just unacceptable in my mind.

Teaching manners starts when they are babies, and toddlers.  Witnessing poor mannered children brings me back to the memory of the wild dog. I was once at a house of a friend’s where a very large dog greeted me in the driveway. When I got out of my car he proceeded to jump up on me, over and over again. It wouldn’t have been so bad had he not been covered with mud, and his muddy paws all over my white clothing. The dog owner says: “ooops, sorry about that” (but failed to discipline (or train) the dog). I sometimes feel the same way when I see children misbehaving, being disrespectful, or an extreme lack of manners. The parent apologizes for the child but fails to take the time to train them differently. Forget the please and thank you, we are talking jumping, hitting, spitting, shouting, throwing things, there are down-right RUDE toddlers and children out there…. And I believe it is from lack of training and laziness on the parent’s part. It takes TIME, and patience, to train a child… Just like it takes TIME and patience to train a puppy, or dog. Failure to take the time to train will result in very RUDE children, and animals, roaming your home, and the streets. Puppies are cute, children are cute…. Puppies grow up to be old ugly dogs…. Untrained children grow up to be rude coarse adults. Take the TIME to train…. Teach manners, PLEASE.

The Pressing Tests of Life

This past year has been especially trying for our family. However, I am learning that when we are “pressed” (like olives are pressed to create oil) the oils will flow out from us…. And there is either good oil oozing from us, or nasty rancid oil. Our character is displayed in times of stress, hardships and troubles… God tells us to be thankful in all things… to find Joy and strength in Him…. To trust in Him… To have faith that HE will see you through. When we are pressed, and the stresses of this world are all around us, we will either shine through them, or we will become angry, hurt, bitter, or filled with self-pitty. We can choose to hate, or we can choose to love. We can choose anger, contention, and discord; or we can choose kindness, patience, and gentleness. We can choose to argue and dispute our point, or we can choose peace. We can choose to be downcast and heavy burdened, or we can choose JOY. ~  God says: “You will know my people by their fruit”…. The things “pressing” in on you are only a test. People filled with the Spirit of God will practice Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Tests are a good thing... they help us to see where we need more practice, and what we need to improve upon. I'm thankful God is a God of Grace, and second chances.... The tests are not easy but He helps us through.... "He who began a good work in you will bring it to completion."

Life Lessons in Positive Parenting

My first born taught me a lot... You might say he was my instructor in “Parenting 101”. All six of my children teach me something new every day.... One thing I learned in the early years of parenting is that we can NOT control another human being. If you don’t believe me try force-feeding a two year old green beans. Our children are all individual human beings (separate from us). As much as we “think” we can, or as much as we TRY to, in reality we cannot control them. God instills in all of us a “free will”. Only oppressive conditions (like slavery and prison) does one person have “control” over another.

God designed each individual person a specific blue-print. Even in infancy each child will develop at a different pace. As parents we are blessed with our children to teach and train, and to guide them through life. GOD is the “designer”, creator, AND the Captain of the ship who steers the course in our lives. His will be done.…. “Man makes the plans, God directs the path.” (Proverbs 16:9). God’s will for our children will be done, we can pray, teach and train. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not part from it” (Proverbs 22:6)…. The Designer decided when each child will develop, and at what age.

A friend of mine recently had “identical” twins; even those little babies are developing at different stages. One loves to crawl and explore, the other is content just sitting still playing with a toy, and has not even attempted crawling. Can her mother force her to crawl? Could a mother stop a baby from crawling if the baby wanted to crawl? Sure we can, if we tie her down (oppressive behavior, not recommended :).

My son was nine months old when he decided he was ready to walk. As a parent, I was NOT ready for my son to walk. All of the nick-nacs and breakables were still down, and the cleaning supplies were still under the sink. I was not ready for that mile stone…. Yet my son (sweet adorable blonde) showed me. It didn’t matter what I was ready for…. God’s natural design for all of us to learn and grow is HIS timing (not ours).

When my son was less than a year old my son decided he wanted to crawl out of his crib. Early one morning I heard a loud “clunk”… my heart sunk, as I went running into his bedroom I was listening for a howl or cry…. There he was standing up, laughing and then toddled over to his toys. I was not ready for my son to be out of the crib. Day after day I would put him back in the crib and insist that he stay in there; he did not. For the next several mornings I continued to hear the cringing “clunk”. Some mornings he even cried for a couple seconds because it hurt, but that didn’t stop him he was excited to go play and explore. I was very worried that in his tenacity he would end up breaking his neck dropping from the top rail of the crib. So as a parent I had two choices…. I could either beat him into submission (abusive, oppressive, and against the law)…. OR, I could come along side of him and HELP him develop and grow. We bought him a toddler bed; it sat close to the ground; so he wouldn’t hurt himself in his determination.

We chose to come along side of our son and help him develop, instead of fighting him. As each of our children grew up we decided to come along side of them and not fight them on things. We teach, instruct, and guide…. But try not to discourage, hold back, or frustrate our children. “Fathers do not provoke your children to wrath.” (Ephesians 6:4).

In positive parenting, that is uplifting, encouraging and life-building, we know that our children have instilled in them the desire to learn and grow. We try to help our children do that. When our children believe that they are ready for something, we try to be there for support and encouragement…. Because as parents, wether we like it or not, our children WILL grow and develop, right out from under us. That is God’s design.

When our fourteen year old daughter begged us to be allowed to attend college classes at the local community college we told her she was not ready…. We told her she was not old enough…. We discouraged her on it for over a year… Then one day, at fifteen, she was begging again…. we told her “if you think you’re old enough, then you find a way to get in”…. She did. As a mom I was not ready for that, but she was and she showed us. So we came along side of her and helped her to stay safe along the way… We made sure she had a safe ride, made sure she had safe tires on her car when she could drive… We gave her money for food along the way. We could have held her back for a few more years… but WHY? What would it have proven to hold her back?.. That WE (parents) have control and say over their lives…. Or we are here for you to help you grow and develop. I had to come to terms with the question... Why would we want to hold our children back when they believe they are ready to grow in an area?

A little boy begs his dad for two years that he wants to try driving the tractor… Time and time again the dad tells the boy he’s not ready to drive the tractor…. The boy becomes frustrated and discouraged. The boy takes a new approach and asks dad for instructions and help... the dad still tells him he's not ready... The little boy, out of respect for his dad, walks away, yet he’s still frustrated and discouraged…. Another day he keeps begging… “I think I can drive the tractor daddy, will you help me learn to drive the tractor?” One day, just as my son wanted to climb out of his crib, just like my daughter who wanted to go to college at a young age, one day the boy is probably going to try to drive that tractor (even if dad is not willing to help). So the dad has two choices…. Either the boy sneaks off one day, when his dad is not looking, and he drives the tractor, with the thought, “I’ll show my dad that I can do it”…. Little boy then runs over a few chickens and hits the barn…. OR, the dad hops on the back of the tractor and helps his little boy learn to steer the tractor. One way or another, if he has a strong enough desire, that little boy will learn to drive the tractor.

We cannot hold our kids back from learning and growing, and becoming what God has instilled in THEIR hearts to become. Even though the little boy might have run over chickens and hit the barn he still learned to drive the tractor. We can sit back as our kids make big mistakes while in the learning process, or we can embrace their God instilled desire to grow, and come along side of them and help them make good choices, and mentor and teach then along the way. My children don’t always follow MY plans or schedule in life… but I pray, and I have faith and trust in God, that they follow HIS.

Our Home School Philosophy

We believe each child has their own “individual” style (God instilled design, and purpose in life)… God created us. God has a specific (and individual) purpose or plan for each human He has created. Just because they are in the same family (or classroom) doesn’t mean they will have the same (or similar) purpose in life…. We believe God instills within us the LOVE (and passion or drive) for that of which our purpose (or direction in life) is to be…. “Man makes the plans, but God directs the paths."

How can the public school think that 20-30 kids (much less a school of 800) all need to learn and know all the same things?? We are all gifted and talented individually, as God designed. In our home school, we have always allowed “self-directed” learning…. Meaning if our child has an interest, desire, or curiosity for something, we allow them to explore that. Kids are BORN with a “natural” instinct to WANT to learn (from birth)… We didn’t have to “teach” them to roll over, or to reach for a rattle, or to walk, or even to talk…. Everything they learned from infancy they did so because they had an “inner drive” to expand their horizons and grow and learn (that is instilled within us)…. Little toddlers love to learn new things and we don’t have to “pressure” them to learn, they do it naturally.

Children explore, they experiment, they love books, they have a natural curiosity to discover and learn. What I’ve seen happen is that we get them in “school” and start to “force” things into them, and we pressure them to learn things that they may not be ready for, or that they have absolutely NO DESIRE (or no need) to learn. Kids begin to feel frustrated, and stifled, some even start to hate school, hate learning, or at minimum get turned off by it. We can actually end up “stifling” their natural instinct to learn by trying to “force-feed” information into them. Many grow resentful of school…. Especially those who don’t have the same learning style as that of the “teacher” who is training them. We all have unique (God given) talents and gifts that people should be allowed to explore and grow as individuals.

In the early days, I was reading an encouraging book on home schooling, there was a question posed that has always stuck with me, it went something like this: As parents, we “helped” them learn to walk, talk, dress themselves, tie their shoes, learn their colors, learn vocabulary, learn their abc’s, all with success; so why is it that all of a sudden when a child becomes five years old parents are longer qualified to teach their own child? The government has us convinced that we are “unqualified” to teach. When in reality we’ve been doing it all day long. We have been guiding, encouraging, instructing, them to learn since infancy. A wise woman once asked me: “Who loves your children more than you do? Who wants the absolute best for your child, and who has the willingness to do whatever it takes to provide that?”.... Parents do. This was an encouraging thought to me.

I once read in the Bible: “unless the Lord builds (the house) you labor in vain”… I equate that to a person, and an education as well…. Unless God is the foundation, if we do not build upon the foundation of God, we labor in vain. Home schooling is a “calling” placed on parents by our Lord (the Holy Spirit). Home schooling is NOT for everyone. If your heart is not in it, and the Lord is not directing you, you will become discouraged and you will not succeed. However, if you have prayed through your decision, and you feel strongly (within your heart), that God is behind your desires (or pull) to home school, then HE (the Lord) will see you through, to completion. “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”(Phillipians 4:13), and HE will provide the means, "and my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus." (Phillipians 4:19) . When God is for you… who can stop you?

Journey Through Life's Worries....

As we approach another “change of season” in our family… We’re helping our daughter to pray through some tough questions… what college to attend, whether to leave the state, or to stay close to home, what field of work should she pursue, what if her chosen field ends up not where she really wants to be? Just what is God’s “calling” on her life? What if she spends so much money on college and never uses it?...

One daughter has even deeper questions as she ponders medical decisions, yet another stresses over family decisions, another finds worry in decisions for employment…. so many heavy and deep questions can weigh us down. Where do we turn? Children, know that God has His hand on you (even when we can’t see it or feel it, He is there).

“Be still and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10 ….. BE STILL. This is what God asks of us…. Be still…. And know that I am God…. Know that I am here…. Know that your struggles are not going unseen or uncared for.

By telling us to “be still”, God doesn’t ask us to be idle…. But to be still in our thoughts and worries…. And sometimes we need a reprieve. Even Jesus had to separate himself from the crowds, to be alone, to pray, to fall before His heavenly Father in prayer and desperation, searching for answers and strength. He is faithful…. Pray for Wisdom.

1 Kings 3-5, Solomon asks God for Wisdom….. he did not ask for riches, fame, or providences… He asked for Wisdom, and an understanding mind. In asking for this, God was so pleased that he blessed him abundantly with all of those other things that he did not ask for himself.

My friend recently returned from a missions trip to Haiti (photo). Last week I had the privilege to sit in on one of her presentations, sharing with us how the people live. With joy, thanksgiving, and gladness in their hearts, they had “nothing” of earthly possessions, yet the Christians still have HOPE and joy. Hundreds of thousands sleep in tents, dirt floors, no clean water, NO toys, only a couple articles of clothing, and the children play with garbage (using a milk jug as a kick ball),while their parents wash their clothes in the river.... Yet the impoverished Christians still have joy, laughter and LOVE in their eyes, and hearts.

We are so spoiled here in America…. We are the “richest” of all nations (money and material possessions)…. Yet studies have shown Americans suffer from the highest rates of depression, suicide, broken marriages, broken homes and broken families… WHY??? What is the problem? Do we really need all this STUFF that we think we “need”…. Absolutely not. It’s proven that many with LESS have so much “more”. When I find myself stressing over bills, jobs, careers, colleges, mortgages, or even health issues, I know that there is so much more God desires for us… a simple life, with HIM as our “source”.

So when worries bog you down, your heart is heavy, and you’re not sure where to turn… Turn to HIM, our creator, God. Ask for WISDOM…... Provisions, a profession, and material possessions could possibly be granted as an added “blessing”, but we need to simply seek Him first, and seek His wisdom….. Then the TRUE “riches” will certainly be ours when we find LOVE, JOY and PEACE in HIM.

Spreading Seeds

Over the past six weeks I’ve been enjoying an awesome Bible study / book study, with several moms. We have been going through the book “Humility” ‘True Greatness’ by C.J. Mahaney. A huge part of humility is what is within our heart, and how we express it. Our heart eventually comes out of our mouths. Our tongues can be destructive (enough to tear down our own homes, tear down people, or even tear down a ministry)…. Or it can be as powerful (and positive) to build up great leaders, build up excellent children, and build a mighty kingdom.

What goes in our ears can penetrate our mind, and affect our heart. God asks that if you encounter any negative comments made by anyone, about anyone, that they will be addressed with positive and uplifting responses. We can breathe LIFE into a person with our words…. Or our poison tongues can destroy our homes, our children, or lives. God is quite clear in this:

“Let no corrupting talk come out of our mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” ~ Ephesians 4:29

Notice how comprehensively this command applies to our speech: “Let no… but only… There’s a certain kind of speech that’s never to come from our mouths, and another kind that should be everything we say. Negative talk tears down, positive talk builds up.

As followers of Jesus, as mothers, as wives, we have to be very careful what we allow our ears to hear, and what we allow our mouths to repeat. We need to ask ourselves… What “seeds” will we nurture? Will we nurture negative, poisonous seeds?? Or, will we stop them, and replant them with new uplifting and positive seeds?? Noxious, nasty “weeds” of division can occur within a family, a group, or a team, if we are not careful to pluck them out before they spread. Unless something is positive, and uplifting, and/or encouraging, it should never leave our lips. If someone speaks a negative word about anyone, will we allow that negative seed to flourish?? Will we spread the poison?..... Or will we squash the negative, hurtful, seeds and replant new uplifting seeds? God asks us all to examine ourselves….. What seeds are you planting? What seeds are you nurturing? Will you be a faithful planter, one to nurture, or one to re-plant positive seeds?

A prayer of confession (I’m sure most of us can confess to)…. I have not always squashed negative seeds when I’ve heard them, and I have not always planted positive ones…. With God’s loving forgiveness and mercy He is still working on me, and I’m confident that “He who began a good work in me will bring it to completion” (Philippians 1:6)……. I’m thankful that HIS Grace and forgiveness is sufficient, as we move forward in pursuit of His will and LOVE in our lives.

We are all human….. and just as the “little children” (of God) it’s the positive reinforcement that will always go much further in achieving desired results. Blessings always come from positive words. Let’s remember God’s word in Ephesians 4:29 and only allow GOOD to come out of our mouths, for building up, so that it may give grace to those who hear. May our words and our PRAYERS be the same.

We Wait in Faith

Sometimes when we take our hands off a situation, and simply allow God to do His thing…. we can see results immeasurable in comparison to what we could have accomplished on our own. God wants only what’s best, for those who He has called unto Himself, for those who believe.

Sometimes when we get involved and try to “fix” things, or try to “help” things along, by our own strength, we simply get in the way. God knows exactly what it’s going to take for a situation to turn out according to his perfect plan. Sometime we don’t understand, when we don’t see the results we were hoping for. Sometimes we can’t see the beauty in something while we are so busy trying to make something happen by our own power.

God sees the big picture…. He sees the end result, and it’s more beautiful than we can ever imagine. We could learn something from the child gardener. When we look at the beautiful picture on the package of flower seeds, we can see what the “end result” is going to be. We see these tiny seeds that look like nothing…. How can these tiny little things produce something so beautiful as what’s shown on the picture? But by “faith” we plant them into the ground. By faith, we plant the seed, cover it with dirt, water it, place it in the sun, and wait. We wait, and water…. wait, and wait…. water a little more…. We take tender care in HOPES that a beautiful flower will bloom. We have faith, so we nurture our dirt, place on a little fertilizer…. and wait….

Patiently we wait, by faith…. But is it really faith since we can see the picture, on the package, of the end result? If God were to show us the end result than we wouldn’t need “faith”. God wants us to have faith in HIM. After planting these tiny seeds in the dirt, days, possibly weeks, go by….. but we see nothing, day after day we see nothing happening…. We begin to wonder, we begin to doubt…. Sometimes we even begin to grow weary…. But if we start digging around in the soil…. and messing with the seed….. we are going to destroy the bud, the blossom, that God is creating in the darkness.

Don’t try so hard to “manage” (or manipulate) things to go your way….. FAITH, Hope, and Prayer are the powerful means to the beautiful life that God has in-store for us.

Home School Graduation

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine home schooling. By the worlds standards I was “not qualified.” I didn’t really WANT to do it either. Now, as graduation approaches, I can say with confidence that these past fifteen years of home schooling was the best decision we could have made for her. They were right, I wasn’t qualified. However, as her parents, we made sure that she received the best education she could have possibly received, that was customized just for her.

I’ll never forget the flak we received from family and friends when we told them we would be home schooling our three youngest. “Are you a certified teacher?”, “Do you really think you’re qualified?”, “What about socialization?” All of those statements created fear and doubt in my mind, and I didn’t have all the answers. All I knew is that I felt a call from God that this is what I was supposed to be doing for my children. There were many reasons for our decision (maybe I’ll share in another blog), but our decision did not come without skepticism. I questioned myself, I questioned God, I questioned the strong feelings, and I questioned my fears. – Who could love my child more than I do, to want what’s best for her? Who would give up their own life for my child, if need be? Who better could protect and provide for my child’s needs more than her family? If I love my child, I knew we could give her the absolute best.

Q: “How would you teach her all of the different subjects?”

A: Think back to your own education. How much do you really remember from grade school? How much do you remember from high school? Do you seriously believe that your teachers knew all of the answers, or did they simply know where to find the answers? Did your History teacher know everything there was to know in History? I remember my own education (or lack of it) and felt like I had fallen through the cracks. Sure I graduated an “average” student, but I will never forget how much more I learned once I was OUT of school. How much of what we are forced to learn, along with hundreds of others, really applies to our personal purpose and call in life? Through homeschooling we were able to customize their schooling, according to their own personal and individual strengths, weaknesses, gifts and talents. Home schooling was a blessing for our entire family; and we were able to learn many things right along-side of our children.

Q: “What about Socialization? How will they get along out in the “real world”?

A: That’s easy to answer now, if you know my daughters. However looking back, when they were young, I had to dispel these fears. I had to ask myself a few questions: Where in “real life” do you ever experience all the same age people, together all day? On the job, do we separate employees by age? Think of your neighborhoods, do we segregate all the thirty year olds on one street, and fifty year olds on another? I knew that I would be giving her more “real world” experiences than she could acquire inside the four walls of a school room, with peers all her own age. We made it a point, throughout the home school years, to involve our children in community and social activities. We sought out opportunities for our children to be involved in civic, community, nursing homes, home school groups, church, and social activities, that included generational learning; and through those experiences our children have blossomed.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against public education, in fact I’ll be the first to say that home schooling is not for everyone. I could have never done it without the strength I found in God, and the perseverance He’s taught me, and the trust I’ve gained in Him.

I’m sure I’ll have more to say about this topic in future blogs. Today I just want to reminisce the wonderful years I was allowed in training and raising my own children. The laughter, love and joy we shared as we learned, and experienced life TOGETHER. As one daughter graduates high school, and moves on to college, another completes her freshman year, and another entering the junior high years, I thank God for the provisions He provided for us to train, shape and mold, our own children into the beautiful young women they are today.

John Piper - Respected for Decision

John Piper - I love this man!…. It’s beautiful that the Lord is faithful to speak to him, and reveal the pride in his life. Thank God that he was not blinded in his own pride, and still recognizes the voice of the Holy Spirit to reveal his sin. Pride is the worse sin known to man (Proverbs 16:5). I pray that the Lord does a miraculous mighty work on his soul, that he may return and teach us all how to recognize our own sinful pride, so that we too may live a life of humility. I’m currently reading a book “Humility - True Greatness” by C.J. Mahaney – Good stuff! – My prayers are with John Piper – God is faithful.

Why This Blog? - It's NOT all about Me.

This blog was started as a ministry to my six children, and to the young mothers, and families, who might like to glean something from thirty one years of parenting. Bottom line, I need an outlet for almost fifty years of life, mulling around in my head. I’d like to pass on to my children, grandchildren, and anyone else who’s interested, my thoughts and experiences, as a mother, wife, home school teacher, household manager, gardener, and councilor (free to anyone who likes to read). My name is Kerri, and I’m a mother of adults, teens, a tween, and a grandma to five babies, toddlers, and a tween. I’ve been homeschooling my children for the past seventeen years. If that doesn’t keep me busy enough, I’m a Mentor Mom for our local MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) ministry, where there are at least forty other young mothers and families who I pray for on a regular basis.

My desire is that this blog be an inspiration, encouragement and blessing for those who read it. I will give you this disclaimer upfront: I’m a “real” mom. I’m not a perfect mother, nor a perfect Christian, and far from a perfect wife. But God’s not finished with me yet; as I’m sure he’s still working on you too, since he brought you to this blog. I will confess that I am a sinner who was saved by the blood of Christ, and by His Grace and Mercy, that of which I do not deserve, He’s allowed me to minister. However, I am who I am, and I have many years of baggage, that I decided to leave at the airport, long ago. Remember: “As you judge, so shall you be judged” (Romans 2:1).” So if you ever have any comments that are negative, degrading, discouraging, please keep them to yourself, and pray for me. I do however accept uplifting, affirming, encouragement, ideas, thoughts, and even gentle, loving, rebuke and Biblical correction, if I’ve made a mistake in interpretation of God’s Word.

Some think I’m super mom, I am not. Some think I’ve got it all together, I most certainly do not. Have I done great things? Only by the grace of GOD. Have I made mistakes? You bet I have, but by the grace of God, who redeems me, He is a God of second chances, as He will be with you. So with all of that said: As I learn and grow myself I’ll share my experiences with you, so you can get ideas, learn from my mistakes, and glean the wisdom I've acquired through hard-knocks, that you may avoid some of the same pit-falls, and that your life be as full of LOVE, JOY, GRACE, and HAPPINESS, as mine has been, in-spite of the challenges. It’s NOT all about ME!