My first born taught me a lot... You might say he was my instructor in “Parenting 101”. All six of my children teach me something new every day.... One thing I learned in the early years of parenting is that we can NOT control another human being. If you don’t believe me try force-feeding a two year old green beans. Our children are all individual human beings (separate from us). As much as we “think” we can, or as much as we TRY to, in reality we cannot control them. God instills in all of us a “free will”. Only oppressive conditions (like slavery and prison) does one person have “control” over another.
God designed each individual person a specific blue-print. Even in infancy each child will develop at a different pace. As parents we are blessed with our children to teach and train, and to guide them through life. GOD is the “designer”, creator, AND the Captain of the ship who steers the course in our lives. His will be done.…. “Man makes the plans, God directs the path.” (Proverbs 16:9). God’s will for our children will be done, we can pray, teach and train. “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not part from it” (Proverbs 22:6)…. The Designer decided when each child will develop, and at what age.
A friend of mine recently had “identical” twins; even those little babies are developing at different stages. One loves to crawl and explore, the other is content just sitting still playing with a toy, and has not even attempted crawling. Can her mother force her to crawl? Could a mother stop a baby from crawling if the baby wanted to crawl? Sure we can, if we tie her down (oppressive behavior, not recommended :).
My son was nine months old when he decided he was ready to walk. As a parent, I was NOT ready for my son to walk. All of the nick-nacs and breakables were still down, and the cleaning supplies were still under the sink. I was not ready for that mile stone…. Yet my son (sweet adorable blonde) showed me. It didn’t matter what I was ready for…. God’s natural design for all of us to learn and grow is HIS timing (not ours).
When my son was less than a year old my son decided he wanted to crawl out of his crib. Early one morning I heard a loud “clunk”… my heart sunk, as I went running into his bedroom I was listening for a howl or cry…. There he was standing up, laughing and then toddled over to his toys. I was not ready for my son to be out of the crib. Day after day I would put him back in the crib and insist that he stay in there; he did not. For the next several mornings I continued to hear the cringing “clunk”. Some mornings he even cried for a couple seconds because it hurt, but that didn’t stop him he was excited to go play and explore. I was very worried that in his tenacity he would end up breaking his neck dropping from the top rail of the crib. So as a parent I had two choices…. I could either beat him into submission (abusive, oppressive, and against the law)…. OR, I could come along side of him and HELP him develop and grow. We bought him a toddler bed; it sat close to the ground; so he wouldn’t hurt himself in his determination.
We chose to come along side of our son and help him develop, instead of fighting him. As each of our children grew up we decided to come along side of them and not fight them on things. We teach, instruct, and guide…. But try not to discourage, hold back, or frustrate our children. “Fathers do not provoke your children to wrath.” (Ephesians 6:4).
In positive parenting, that is uplifting, encouraging and life-building, we know that our children have instilled in them the desire to learn and grow. We try to help our children do that. When our children believe that they are ready for something, we try to be there for support and encouragement…. Because as parents, wether we like it or not, our children WILL grow and develop, right out from under us. That is God’s design.
When our fourteen year old daughter begged us to be allowed to attend college classes at the local community college we told her she was not ready…. We told her she was not old enough…. We discouraged her on it for over a year… Then one day, at fifteen, she was begging again…. we told her “if you think you’re old enough, then you find a way to get in”…. She did. As a mom I was not ready for that, but she was and she showed us. So we came along side of her and helped her to stay safe along the way… We made sure she had a safe ride, made sure she had safe tires on her car when she could drive… We gave her money for food along the way. We could have held her back for a few more years… but WHY? What would it have proven to hold her back?.. That WE (parents) have control and say over their lives…. Or we are here for you to help you grow and develop. I had to come to terms with the question... Why would we want to hold our children back when they believe they are ready to grow in an area?
A little boy begs his dad for two years that he wants to try driving the tractor… Time and time again the dad tells the boy he’s not ready to drive the tractor…. The boy becomes frustrated and discouraged. The boy takes a new approach and asks dad for instructions and help... the dad still tells him he's not ready... The little boy, out of respect for his dad, walks away, yet he’s still frustrated and discouraged…. Another day he keeps begging… “I think I can drive the tractor daddy, will you help me learn to drive the tractor?” One day, just as my son wanted to climb out of his crib, just like my daughter who wanted to go to college at a young age, one day the boy is probably going to try to drive that tractor (even if dad is not willing to help). So the dad has two choices…. Either the boy sneaks off one day, when his dad is not looking, and he drives the tractor, with the thought, “I’ll show my dad that I can do it”…. Little boy then runs over a few chickens and hits the barn…. OR, the dad hops on the back of the tractor and helps his little boy learn to steer the tractor. One way or another, if he has a strong enough desire, that little boy will learn to drive the tractor.
We cannot hold our kids back from learning and growing, and becoming what God has instilled in THEIR hearts to become. Even though the little boy might have run over chickens and hit the barn he still learned to drive the tractor. We can sit back as our kids make big mistakes while in the learning process, or we can embrace their God instilled desire to grow, and come along side of them and help them make good choices, and mentor and teach then along the way. My children don’t always follow MY plans or schedule in life… but I pray, and I have faith and trust in God, that they follow HIS.
