Monday, February 4, 2013

A Year Disappeared

Wow, how quickly a year goes by.  It’s almost as if this past year has been a blur; like walking in a fog.  I am trying to think back on 2012, and remember what consumed me.  It obviously wasn’t blogging.  I launched a business last year.  Besides homeschooling my two remaining high school children, I ventured into a photography business that I became engulfed in.  Balance is the key.

Maintaining balance has always been a constant challenge for me, but one I work hard at…. But I sometimes drop the ball.  Juggling home school academics, character building, trying to be a nurturing mother, a wife, manager of the home, with household chores and those responsibilities, AND earning money, has proven to throw me off balance a time or two.  I seriously do not know how mothers working full-time, outside of the home, manage to get it all done.  I couldn’t.  I once worked full time; and I realized that the “nurturing” mother did not exist in me when I was working away from my family.  Perhaps in my mind I was nurturing (I love them, in my heart), but my actions, or inability to be there for them, was proving what was in my mind and heart wasn’t enough for these children.  I needed to physically be there for them.  
Once the Holidays were in full force I realized my balance was being tested, and tilting to the point of OVER THE EDGE.  January (last month) I decided, in order to keep my sanity, I needed to pull back on some things, let go of some things, and re-focus on my priorities.  Right now my priority is seeing another high school graduate out my doors and into college, and providing the education my high school sophomore needs, get my house back in order, as well as repair the neglect in my marriage… All of which I can’t do when I’m trying to earn money.  My husband has a good job, and is a very good provider for our family.  Even if he didn’t have a “good job”, I still I need to trust his abilities, and live within our means.  The living within our means could be a title of another blog.  I think our unhappiness stems from our want, and not really our needs.  I trust God to provide, and when things get tight I still need to trust, and focus on what He has called me to do.  The bank account is not a measure of our success; it’s the lives we have touched and the love we have shared.